Hot Tub High
by Skaoi
Summary: THIS IS A ONE SHOT I commented to someone that Chloe needs to 'smoke a bowl and chill with Lucifer' and here is where the conversation went. No clue if spicy Cheetohs w/ ranch dressing are a thing. Bonus points to anyone who gets a certain reference. :)


Chloe sits in the cafeteria at Trixie's school being briefed on what they can expect for the coming school year. Penelope was never very involved with school activities, so it's important to the detective that she participate. Chloe's taken three pages of notes so far, names and contact information for PTA meetings, room mom sign-ups and story-telling schedules, and her head is swimming. _Who knew third grade could require so much planning?_

Her phone buzzes insistently just as the assistant principal starts to explain the process for signing up to be a field trip chaperone.

 _Bring Cheetohs. The spicy ones._

Chloe stares down at her phone. "What the Hell, Lucifer?" she mumbles to herself.

 _And Ranch dressing. devil emoticon_

She tries not to laugh, she really does, but The King of Hell's taste for junk food just gets out of hand sometimes. Cheetohs and ranch dressing? Gross. She rolls her eyes as she returns the message.

 _Tell your ninja bartender to get them. I'm tied up at the moment._

The detective almost groans aloud after she hits 'send.' _Shouldn't have sent that._ She settles for shaking her head then quickly looking around to see if anybody noticed.

 _Splendid! On my way over._ _ **lots**_ _of devil emoticons_

She shakes her head, biting her lip to reign in the rogue chuckle that keeps trying to escape.

 _Not home,_ she texts back. _Hah!_

 _Spoilsport. pouting emoticon_

Chloe grins in satisfaction and puts her phone in airplane mode so she can concentrate. _Can chaperones bring their guns on field trips?_ She wonders.

Finally, two hours later, the prisoners...parents are released and Chloe takes a deep breath of the fresh, sweet air outside. _Freedom._ Taking her phone off airplane mode, she waits for the device to catch up to the incoming messages.

Lucifer: _And chocolate._

Dan: _Don't forget I'm picking Trix up from school and taking her to my parents' place for the weekend._

Lucifer: _And pizza. No onions._

Mom: _Remember that movie I did in the '80s with that famous actor who danced in his underwear and we had sex on a train? They're doing a follow-up where we run into each other years later in London. I think we're having sex on the Tube!_

Chloe feels her stomach lurch. _Really, Mom?_ she thinks as she finds herself shaking her head at the antics of the supposed grown-ups in her life.

Lucifer: _And your favorite wine._

Dan: _Mom called and had to cancel. I'll keep Trix tonight and bring her home tomorrow. I'll take her to that food truck she loves._

Lucifer: _And Lingerie. I like red. more devil emoticons_

Chloe stands next to her cruiser staring at her phone. _How have I not lost my mind with these people yet?_ She wonders as she texts her devilish partner, _On my way_.

Sighing heavily, she starts the vehicle and starts navigating to Lux. She glances at the box of case files that she and Lucifer are planning to go through this afternoon and laughs. _I guess I can make a quick stop on the way._

Forty-five minutes later, the elevator opens in Lucifer's apartment and Chloe steps through with a grocery sack and the box of files. She wasn't sure what she expected Lucifer to be doing when she got there, but sitting at the piano in his black silk boxers, smoking a... _is that a joint?_...was not it. The sweetness in the air tells her he'd had a few already and his posture seemed more relaxed than she's seen him in a while.

Hearing her walk toward him, he turns and flashes a happy smile that goes all the way up to his glassy eyes, "Detective! So glad you could make it!"

She laughs as she sets the box and grocery bag down, "I guess the request for pizza and spicy Cheetohs makes sense now." He stands to jam his hand into the bag, "And the ranch dressing, yes? Can't have one without the other. Sacrilegious, that."

He grabs a pair of glasses from the bar and pours some dressing into a glass. "Oh, GROSS, Lucifer, you're not going to drink that?" she asks horrified.

He laughs, a beautiful rich sound that must have come from as far down as his toes, "For DIPPING, my dear." He demonstrates by dipping a spicy-cheese-powder-covered snack into the glass. "See? You really must try this." His eyes close in ecstasy as he chews, "Mmmm...sublime, really."

She waves him off, "No thanks," she reaches into the bag for the chocolate and wine. "I'm covered."

Lucifer shrugs as he stuffs another piece into his mouth, "More for me, darling."

Chloe unscrews the cap on the wine and stops at Lucifer's expression of horror. "What?" "Screwtop wine? In MY flat? Nonononono. Absolutely NOT."

She laughs as she pours the pinot noir into a glass, "I actually really like this one. It's from Oregon." She takes a sip, "Cork or screwtop doesn't matter if you aren't laying it down. Don't be such a snob."

Lucifer looks down his long, patrician nose and sniffs with disdain, "Pardon me for having standards, Detective."

Chloe snorts and points to where his hand is buried in the bag of Cheetohs, "Standards? Really, Chester Cheetah?"

He blinks, a confused expression on his face, "What?"

She laughs again and sips her wine as she walks past him toward the sofa, bringing her bottle of wine with her. She sits down and slides off her shoes while he walks over, smoking his joint, "By all means, Detective, make yourself comfortable." He smiles lecherously as he sits next to her, "I didn't see any red lingerie in that bag. Shall I fancy a guess as to where I might find it?"

Chloe arches an eyebrow at him, "Lucifer." She says simply. He pouts and takes another drag, "Fine, fine. You win." She refills her glass with a satisfied smirk, "So, we should start looking at that box of files. I'm not going to have the whole weekend like I thought."

"Well, that's a buzzkill," Lucifer huffs. "Whyever not?"

She shrugs, "Dan's mom bailed, so Dan's bringing Trixie back home tomorrow."

"Well, we can review the files at yours tomorrow," he replies, "while the spawn frolics about, or...whatever it is she does when home."

Chloe narrows her eyes and looks Lucifer over as he sips his whiskey, in his boxers, smoking a joint. "You really don't want to work tonight, do you?" He shakes his head as he exhales smoke in her direction, "Nope. I really do not. Want a hit?" She waves him off, "No thanks."

"Detective," he begins, "Have you ever smoked a joint in your life? I mean, with your father a police officer, I would imagine not, but certainly you had the opportunity growing up in Hollywood, hmmm?" He gives her an up and down look, "You're so tense. Might do you some good. You know...since you won't let me...help."

She blushes and sits up straight, "I did. Once."

He leans forward encouragingly, "Aaaannnd?"

Chloe quaffs her wine and pours another glass, "My dad found out. I'd never seen him so mad." She sighs, "And disappointed."

Lucifer's eyebrows go up, "What happened?" Chloe looks so embarrassed one would think it had just happened. "He made me help wash all the squad cars for the precinct."

Lucifer leans back surprised, "A bit harsh, don't you think?"

She shrugs, "Maybe. The laws around drugs, including pot, were more strict back then. People weren't even allowed medicinal marijuana."

He rests a hand on his chest, "Barbarians!" He leans forward again, "Nobody's here but us, Detective. And I promise, if a policeman barges in, I'll pay someone to wash all the cars in the precinct so you don't have to do it again."

Chloe chuckles and arches an eyebrow at him, "I don't know, Lucifer. I have to drive home and..." she gestures at his state of undress, "This is getting back to all that blurred lines stuff."

He stands up with a triumphant smile, "How about I put some clothes on, then, if it will make you more comfortable? Just hold this, will you?" He hands her the joint and trots off to his closet, quickly returning wearing a pair of fitted black trousers and black button-up shirt.

 _Holy shit, he's gorgeous_ , she thinks as he comes walking back, adjusting his cuff. Chloe takes a quick drink of her wine to stave off the sudden dryness of her mouth. He catches her look and smiles brightly, "There, darling. More at ease now?"

 _Hell no._ "Yes!" she replies too quickly. "Thank you." Of course he doesn't miss it.

"Marvelous," he smirks as he sits next to her. He gestures at the joint her hand, "Go on, then. Don't make it so I got dressed for nothing." Chloe snickers and bumps him with her shoulder, "Fine." She raises the join to her lips, inhales quickly and exhales just as quickly before handing it back. "There, I did it."

Lucifer frowns, "You most certainly did not. I didn't mean 'hurry because Daddy is coming.' Do it like this," he insists as he raises it to his lips. He purses his lips around the end of the joint and slowly sucks air through it, making the end burn a little brighter. Removing the joint, he pauses then very slowly exhales the sweet smoke back out. "Do it like that, Detective. This is good stuff and should be treated with respect," he insists.

Chloe chuckles, "Alright, but then will you leave me alone about it?" He grins wickedly at her, "No promises." She tries not to smile as she mimics his actions, slowly inhaling through the joint then slowly exhaling. "Much better!" he smiles approvingly.

The smoke dries her throat, so she sips her wine as Lucifer heads to the bar to refill his glass. He returns with his Cheetohs and ranch dressing, "Come on. Going, going, gone," he waves one toward her in offering.

Chloe giggles, "Seriously, that's disgusting," she insists, then takes a bite of chocolate. "This is so much better."

Chloe grins and reaches for the joint, "But I think I might just..."

Lucifer laughs, "See! You can have that one, love. I've plenty."

She smirks, "I bet."

She gets up from the couch and strolls to the balcony. The night is comfortable and breezy. She closes her eyes and raises her chin, letting the wind blow her hair, and she sighs happily. Lucifer smiles happily as he watches her relax. About bloody time.

Suddenly, she turns and narrows her eyes at him, "What took you so long?"

Lucifer raises his eyebrow as he lights another joint, "To do, what, exactly?"

Chloe gestures to indicate the general apartment area, "To leave Hell. Come up here." She frowns, "It IS 'up,' isn't it?"

He laughs and stands to join her, "There are a number of reasons. One of them was that I did actually have some fun. And, yes, it is 'down there'." She takes a sip of wine and cocks her head, "Fun? In Hell? You're kidding." She takes a hit and frowns to see her joint is almost gone. "So, what's the most fun thing you did down there?"

Lucifer looks her over, trying to decide what he can tell her without sending her jumping off the balcony. Finally, he sips his scotch and smiles, "You know how certain groups believe that if they go the whole terrorist route, they are gifted with a whole slew of virgins in Heaven?"

Chloe nods, her eyes wide as she finds herself floating on the cadence of his voice. He grins down at her, "Well, those chaps don't exactly go where they think they will. But when they arrive, I have a space all set up for them." He takes a hit, "A 'Welcome Room,' if you will. All white and arranged to look the part."

Lucifer's grin slides into something...not evil, but more than mischievous. She shivers but can't stop listening. "Then I walk in with the appropriate number of virgins..." "There are virgins in Hell?" Chloe asks in surprise.

His eyebrows go up, "Of course, Detective. Not everybody gets to enjoy sins of the flesh before they depart. And not all of them are virtuous enough for The Great Gated Community." He smiles, "Hence, they show up at my door."

Another sip of scotch. "So, as I was saying, I walk in with a group of virgins and proceed to deflower every one of them while the poor fool has to watch. I dare say it's better than Uriel's welcome speech."

Chloe was in mid-sip and chokes, sending wine out her nose as she sputters. "You don't!"

Lucifer laughs heartily, "I certainly do! It's delightful."

Her eyebrows go up, "And the ladies want to...?"

"Of course they do, Detective," he looks almost offended. "Free will is still a thing in Hell."

Chloe looks pensive as she processes, then bursts out laughing, "That's horrible!" He grins but says nothing, black eyes glittering. She closes her eyes and again takes in the warm breeze blowing over the balcony, "This reminds me of going to my grandparents' house in South Carolina."

Her eyes pop open and she smiles, "Hey, do you want to shag?"

Lucifer's turn to cough on his drink, "Do I ever!" He reaches for the buttons on his shirt and she stops him, "No, not sex. It's a type of dance from South Carolina, near Myrtle Beach. It's called shagging."

He looks intrigued, "Do they get naked?" She laughs, "No, silly. I'll show you. Turn on some beach music." Lucifer frowns in confusion, so she walks to the piano for his phone. She pulls up his Pandora app and types in an artist to seed the station, then hits 'play.' He sips his scotch and points at his phone, "You know there's a wing of Hell that plays nothing but this awful music."

Chloe laughs as she takes his hand and he can't resist as she shows him some steps, "It's better than rap." He nods, "True enough." They spin and dance for a bit, with Lucifer having to concentrate on learning the more complex foot movements. Chloe can't help the glowing smile on her face as he spins her, "I haven't done this since..." a tear trickles down her face and he strokes her cheek with his thumb.

"Your father?" he asks gently.

She nods, a watery smile on her face, "He grew up going to shagging competitions and showed me how. It was always so much fun to go visit Mimi and Papa and dance with them, too." Chloe looks at him gratefully and Lucifer is pretty sure his heart is going to fall out of his chest and land right in her hands, "Thank you."

He smiles as he strokes her cheek again, and his eyes light mischievously, "Now that we've gotten ourselves all sweaty from dancing, let's cool off in the jacuzzi." Chloe's eyes widen in surprise, "I didn't bring..." and she stops at his arched brow. "No, Lucifer." He sighs and rolls his eyes, "Oh, come on! I promise to behave. Mostly."

She shoots him a look and he back-pedals even more, "Look, I'll turn my back while you get in, then you can either look, or not, as I get in." Cheeky grin, "I'll even bring over some towels and a robe so you can dry off before getting dressed again." She looks almost convinced, but not quite.

Deciding the time to play fair is over, he leans in, "You deserve to live a little, darling. Don't make me toss you in."

Chloe steps back, "You wouldn't!" His only response is a Cheshire Cat grin. _Wouldn't I?_

Huffing in frustration and trying not to giggle at the same time, she makes a twirling motion with her hand, "So, turn around already!" Lucifer smiles, turns his back and walks to his bathroom to collect towels and robes. Chloe quickly strips down and scurries to the jacuzzi, where she hops in just as he calls out, "Here I come, Detective!" She laughs, "Turn off the tub lights on your way over!"

 _Damn, she noticed those,_ he thinks to himself with a smile. Lucifer sets the towels and robes down within easy reach of the jacuzzi then reaches for the buttons of his shirt. He looks down and smirks as she politely turns her back and closes her eyes to give him privacy. Deciding not to tease her further at the moment, he finishes stripping down and slides into the water. "Alright, Detective, you can turn around now," he says with a chuckle.

Chloe turns around and sinks deeper into the water, enjoying the jets massaging her back. "This feels sooooo goooood, Lucifer," she purrs.

He laughs and shakes his head, "I'd rather you were closer and saying that, darling," he responds playfully. She squints her eyes open and splashes him as punishment, but he only laughs harder. Finally, he sees an opening and grabs her wrist, spinning her around and pulling her to him, with her back against his chest. "Someone's being a naughty guest," he murmurs in her ear.

Chloe stills instantly but can't help her responding shiver, "Lucifer...," she says quietly. He smiles as he brushes her hair away from her neck and lays a gentle kiss where it meets her shoulder. "Don't worry, darling," he assures her. "Nothing will happen. Tonight," he clarifies as he brings his warm hands to her shoulders and begins to massage the tight muscles there. "Tsk, tsk, Detective. So tense."

 _Oh my God, his hands,_ she thinks to herself as a soft moan escapes her lips.

Lucifer smiles as he is careful to avoid contact with other, more responsive areas. _Look at me being so very GOOD, Father. You should be proud of me. Damned sure, I am._

Chloe sighs as Lucifer finds a particularly tense knot of muscle just to the left of her right shoulder blade. He attacks it with his thumb, alternating pressure as it releases then spasms. "Lucifer," she fairly moans in relief, "Why are you so nice to me?" she asks. Her voice is sleepy from the evening's activities.

Lucifer smiles gently behind her, then leans down to kiss her ear, "Because you let me, darling." "Mmmmm..." she hums as she leans back against him. "You feel nice." He wraps his arms around her, still being careful to not cause alarm, "As do you, dear. But I think perhaps I should tuck you in? Saving you from drowning is not how I'd like to give you mouth-to-mouth."

She giggles as she hugs his arms around her more tightly, "You're awful." Pause. "I think I need help getting out," embarrassment colors the sleepiness of her voice. "Not to worry, love. I can do it with my eyes closed," he assures her. "But you can't, so try not to take advantage of me whilst I'm not looking, alright?"

Chloe laughs again and Lucifer decides he would do a lot of things to make that sound happen more often. He climbs out of the jacuzzi and turns around, smirking when he sees her watching him with a deep blush coloring her cheeks. "Naughty girl," he admonishes as he reaches his hand out for her and closes his eyes.

She takes his hand and climbs out, then, with his eyes still closed, Lucifer reaches down for a pair of fluffy towels, handing her one. "Okay," she says after wrapping a towel around herself. After securing his own towel, he retrieves another and proceeds to dry her off, then he picks his black shirt up off the floor, offering it to her. She slides her arms in and stands quietly while he works the buttons, "I don't typically _dress_ the ladies who visit my flat, Detective. This is so much better going the other way," he cheerfully complains as he slides his boxers on then removes his towel.

Chloe inhales slowly and smiles. _It smells like him_. He looks down with a sad smile, "I suppose you'd want the guest suite, yes?" She cocks her head, "That depends on whether or not you can actually sleep with someone without...you know... _sleeping_ with them."

Lucifer's face lights up in a happy smile as his eyebrows find the middle of his forehead, "I'll be on my most angelic behavior, my dear. I give you my word."

She yawns and takes his hand as she leads him to the bed, "Good. It's been quite a day and I've really enjoyed just... _being_...with you."

For once, Lucifer is speechless. All he can do is give her hand a warm squeeze as they climb up to his bed, crawl under the blankets then wrap their arms around each other as sleep claims them both.


End file.
